In Your Face

The other day one of my reprobate mates from University day's thought he'd be a real smart ass and send me a congratulatory, yet insulting email about Tunnel Rats. To show you what I mean I've copied his message to me, below, verbatim:

"Yo B.

I watched Tunnel Rats a while ago.

No offence or anything but it kinda sucked. The killing & violence was the best bits of the movie. I see the movie sort of won an award... a Razzie, for worst director. LOL.

It's totally cool that you were involved in a Hollywood movie though. Did it pay well or have cool perks? Are you actually in any of the scenes getting shot or something? Let me know where so I can freeze frame it and be all like, "It's Benny taking a grenade to the face!"

Later bra"

Sure I could have just taken it, been diplomatic and try to argue how he's probably being overly harsh on the film, but sometimes diplomacy gets you no where...especially since I know my friend well enough. He would have torn diplomacy apart. Instead I came up with an "over-the-top", "in-your-face", "I'm-full-of-it", "sarcastic-as-hell" reply. My censored response below:

"Dude! obviously you don't know movies...maybe it's better that you keep your day job and leave the movie criticism to someone who is actually in the business, like me.

What more could you possibly want from a movie if not for killing and violence??? Everyone knows that the rest of that stuff like dialogue and cinematography is just candy floss. If the killing and violence is good, that means Tunnel Rats is the best goddam movie in the world ever!

*paragraph removed due to explicit content*

Not sure exactly which scenes I'm, in all I can say for certain is that I'm in a lot of them, because that's how awesome I am. I even doubled up for a mole hill in one scene. Pretty friggin' amazing. What have you ever done in your life Neil? What? Have you ever been a mole hill? Thought not.

Laters,
B"

He had no counter-reply.